Hi Reader,

With the Holidays coming up, you may be getting ready for family gatherings. And whether your immediate family is exclusively vegan, have a mixed household of vegans and non-vegans, or are at the early stages of transitioning to a vegan lifestyle—your dietary choice may come up in conversations.

Family and friends may genuinely be concerned about your child’s nutritional needs; however, handling disagreements and pushback against your choice for raising your kids vegan can sometimes be a challenge.

In today’s e-newsletter, I’d like to share with you some talking points I have personally used throughout my vegan feeding journey when discussing my family's diet. These aren’t perfect by any means and you certainly don’t have to use them if you don’t want to but hopefully they bring some inspiration.
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- Karla

The Story

I was 4 months pregnant with Camila. Luke and I were visiting my family back in southern California. We were having dinner and enjoying our time together.

My family has always been supportive of my choice since beginning my vegan journey in 2008. Showing them the resources I was using to meet my nutrient needs and prepare meals for myself (thank you Vegetarian Times Magazine!), they seemed fine with me transitioning to a vegan diet (which I did very gradually).

That same support just wasn’t there when Luke and I shared we were going to raise our baby vegan. They knew we had our own nutrition under control but genuinely had concerns about our newborn being raised vegan.

I vividly remember them saying “Why is it so bad to give eggs once in a while?”

At the time, I didn’t know how to respond. I could feel my body getting tense and wanting to get defensive.

I didn’t feel heard. I didn’t feel understood.

I think that was the hardest part for me to accept.

That genuine curiosity of “why is it so bad to give [insert an animal-based food]” came up several times throughout Camila’s infancy.

With time, I realized they weren’t totally against veganism like I perceived them to be. Rather, they just didn’t know how a small, growing child can truly meet their nutritional needs without animal-based foods.

What they were seeking all along with that question of “why is it so bad to give eggs/cow’s milk/fish once in a while” was a bit of knowledge and reassurance that their first born granddaughter was going to grow OK.

It took me time and a lot of patience to understand my family but I’m glad that compassion was always at the center of our engagements. There was never a debate or any convincing from either party (I'm very grateful for that). It was primarily Camila’s growth that gave them proof that she can thrive on a vegan diet.

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Your Guide

It’s easy to get defensive about your lifestyle of choice. You care about veganism!

And I want to see you succeed and feel confident in your vegan feeding journey—no matter the type of encounters you experience.

I learned from Dr. Melanie Joy, who is a well-renowned expert in carnisms, that vegans and non-vegans see the same thing (i.e. animals) but we perceive them differently (i.e. non-vegans view them as necessary or natural to eat and vegans view animals as sentient beings). And because we view animals differently, the way we communicate with each other can sometimes create conflict if both parties don’t feel seen, heard, and acknowledged.

So, to help you in how you may communicate with others about your choice in raising vegan kids, here a process you can take: (please note that this is taken from my own personal experience).

• Step 1: Approach the conversation from a place of awareness. When you can help establish that eating animals is a choice, you’re helping educate others about dietary and lifestyle choices. This helps set the tone of the conversation in a more empathic and compassionate way, helping you be able to listen and make talking a bit easier. For example, it can be as simple as: “My family chooses to eat vegan because we don’t want to hurt animals”.​
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• Step 2: Remember your why. Why did you choose to become vegan and raise your family vegan? Whatever that reason may be, lean into your why when speaking to others.
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• Step 3: Acknowledge their concern. Acknowledging someone’s concern about your child’s growth on a vegan diet involves recognizing their perspective about eating animals. This can be conveyed by listening, asking questions to learn more about their motivations for eating animals, and demonstrating empathy about their beliefs. For example, you could start with something like this: “I appreciate your concern about [your child’s name] health and well-being, it’s something I too care about…”​
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• Step 4: Address that concern: Addressing someone’s concern can involve some education, providing resources if they’re open to it or suggesting compromises so that both parties can be at peace. I have found that this step sometimes requires finding solutions or alternatives together. For example, it can sound something like this: “...[your child’s name] does need adequate protein to grow well and they meet their needs through legumes, grains, vegetables, nuts and seeds. I can bring a lentil dish to the dinner for us”. ​
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And if nothing seems to work to make your point across, you can use this golden prompt: “I understand. This is my choice and I’d love to have your support”

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Interested in learning how to talk specifically to kids about veganism?

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